jan 26 2006
pre-birthday blues

Didn't sleep well last night.
Just a cold, but the asthma kicked in.
Woke up because Nyo was screaming. He couldn't find some schoolstuff and was accussing Thami.
So I searched on a lot of places where it could be.
Untill someone found it on the table, where Jim had thrown some old brochures on it.

It's the day before my birthday and I should be cleaning the room, tidy it.
Which means cleaning and tidying up after Jim and the boys.
They'll never learn, but I can.
So I'm not spending my time of their lot.
There won't be many visitors. Just one or two friends and that's it.
One of them might even not show up.

I've always wanted to have a surprise party, but it won't happen.
I said something last night about needing some nice clothes for my birthday, and it was waved away, just like other times. So that's what it's about: just getting a year older and probably have more kindness from my online friends.

Ofcourse there are people I would have wished to see.
It seems that with getting older I long more for some friends from the past.
But what do I have to tell?
That each day is a struggle with myself to care for people who should have been institutionalised?
That I'm the therapist of 4 of my children and a man that is my husband on paper, but who doesn't care one bit about me?
A carreer as a nun would have been just as well. I would probably get more recognition and less chance to be alone and think about my life.

So I won't clean up after them and leave things the way they are.

Which will be even more interesting with the present I'll get.
During one of his throw away moods, Jim has done away my old camera, to exchange it many years ago with a cheap thing that doesn't do what I want it to do.
So I have been asking for a new one many many years.
Yesterday he asked me what I wanted to have for my birthday.
Well, I had a list hanging in the kitchen for three months now.
It's gone, and he probably doesn't think I "need" something of that list.

I was so amazed by his question... two days before the event... that I said that he had promised to buy me a digital camera.
I know I was playing with his memory, but he does it himself too. LOL!
So he told me he would go and buy a camera today, and ask Stef for advice. But I shouldn't tell Stef because it would take away the fun. (As if he ever cares for fun.)
Later Stef came and asked to write down what I need a camera to do, because he was going to look for one with his dad. But dad had told him not to tell me.
As if I didn't know.
We all had a good laugh.

Apart from the camera there's another big wish.
The last time I have been thinking about an instrument I heard somewhere.
As soon as I heard it I knew it's the instrument I want to play.
But I couldn't find it back. I didn't even know if it was a bagpipe or something else.
But I assumed it was a bagpipe.
WRONG!!!
It's a highland hornpipe.
It's played with the same as the bagpipe, but it's has a broader reach and it doesn't need as much air, so it's more fit for me.
And it's easier to carry.
So be sure I'll have one in the future.
They come with different sounds, and I've fallen for two.
In case someone has a job. Come on! It's not cheap, but it's good money for the instrument.
Pity shipping is as much, so I would need at least 330 dollar.
But shipping two is cheaper. LOL!

I'm going to save money for it.
Especially as the instrument can be played by the girls too if they have finished their bagpiping lessons.

Who would have thought I would be so excited about an insrument.
If you want a peek, just look in my wishlist.

Well, writing about this raised my spirits a bit.
I've been feeling down.
Part because some awfull matter is going on. An online friend is accussed in a very bad way, and I feel caught in the middle.
Ofcourse I want to be loyal to my friends, and I am. But I'm also objective enough to know that one is not able to see through a person by internet.
I'm asking the accussing person for facts, but I'm not getting the facts I need to decide on.
Stef asked his teacher who looked into it and said it was a clear hacking event, with nothing to do with the two ladies involved.
I send the mail to the person who is acccussing, she adjusted her site and didn't even reply. The adjustment being that even more accussations are made, which are making my friend seeming to be a real criminal.
So either it's my friend who is committing criminal facts, or the lady who is accussing, because the accussations are very dirty.
Well, I asked a friend if she would please try and get some facts, and when it doesn't work today, I'll report matters to the police.
Either the name of my friend is cleared, or my adressbook will be emptier.

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